Friday, June 19, 2015

Just a girl

So many thoughts I don't quite know where to start. All of these thoughts have left me sick. 

I lack understanding. I'm sitting here waiting... I don't know what for. Some glimmer of hope. All of the cliches... if only they were not so true.

I am just a girl. I know that I am brave and strong and beautiful. I know that I am worth so much... I know these things... I know them.

You don't see my heart being ripped from my chest... because I am strong.
You don't see my fears... because I am brave.
You don't hear my cries... because I laugh.
You don't see my broken pieces... because I hide them.

Maybe all of that is true... or maybe

You have closed your eyes.
You have plugged your ears.
You have turned your back.
You have walked away.

I am though,
Just a girl wishing that I was enough.
Just a girl who doesn't understand.
Just a girl who is broken.

I am just a girl. I know that I am brave and strong and beautiful. I know that I am worth so much... I know these things... I know them, I just wish that my heart did.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

The woes of life need no blame.

I have been sitting with the above statement for a few days. I'm trying to make heads or tails of it.

I thought it might be helpful to break out the dictionary.
        1. great sorrow or distress.
            Synonyms : misery, sorrow, distress, wretchedness, sadness, unhappiness, heartache,
       2. things that cause sorrow or distress; troubles
           Synonyms trouble, difficulty, problem, trial, tribulation, misfortune, setback, reverse
       1. assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.
           Synonyms: hold responsible, hold accountable, condemn, accuse, find/consider guilty.... this
                               list goes on extensively. 
        1. responsibility for a fault or wrong. 
            Synonyms: responsibility, guilt, accountability, liability culpability, fault, rap.

So then, there is no need for accountability for the things that cause great sorrow or distress in life.

Woes can be separated the same way that my insurance company separates claims, "Acts of God" and "All other perils." If  there is a hail storm, that is considered an "Acts of God" I pay my deductible and I get my car fixed. If I get in a car accident a person is assigned blame, be it me or another driver. Someone is paying a deductible and I get my car fixed. Three things happen here. Something bad happens. There is accountability, even when there is not a person to hold responsible. There is restitution.

"All other Perils" ~ Should there be no accountability for my choices when they cause someone else heartache? I believe the flip side of this would be to ask, do we want to be acknowledged and given praise when we have done something that brought someone joy? If yes, then is it right to only take responsibility for the good and not the bad?

 Remorse is not a pleasant feeling but, so that our children never feel it, do we stop teaching them right from wrong?