Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Don't panic... I'm just letting my thoughts escape.

Like the whirlpool of a flushing toilet, putting all of these random thoughts on paper will take them all away? I hope it works that way tonight anyway.

So many things feel undone at the moment. I need some resolve. I can not tell if things are coming together or starting to unravel. I suppose whichever it is I will find out soon enough. Out of control I just sit and wait. Even if I see it, coming will I know how to react? This can be said about a half dozen things in my life at this very moment! 

I said something to one of my kiddos yesterday and I sit here thinking to myself, 20+ years older then him those words still ring true to me where I am in my life today. Now I am not sure what to do about it, but I can recognize it. Fairly certain I am failing the same test for the gazillionth time, it is clear I know what to say but I don't know how to put it into practice in my own life. A very clear do as I say, not as I do moment. Oh well. ...and no I am not going to tell you my hypocritical words of wisdom. 

Also as I sit here I think to myself, this is how the scale came to say... Yeah right you really din't think I was gonna tell you that did you? No, I am not revealing that number until I am way closer to my goal. Any way the point being that I find comfort in food. Mmmm mmm mmm yummy yummy food! Dessert please and thank you very much. Food comma always quiets the mind. At this point though I am fairly certain a bed and pillow may have the same effect. 

I'll wake up and it will be a new day. I'll even get to check somethings off of my unresolved list. Just 2 more wake ups and I will get to run away with the man of my dreams and pretend, at least for the weekend, that there is not list waiting for me at home. Some day I will pass this test. That someday just isn't today. 

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